Alteration in the attitude
I call this “My Magic bench” . A few months back, I was constantly sulking about how my career has turned out to be. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a girl who looked lifeless. Who was leading a very monotonous life… I have too many hobbies and my interests keep evolving, but I was doing nothing but sulking all day.
I usually sit on this bench after I am done with my morning walk. On one such day, I decided that I should take charge of my life. It was a year since I had moved to London. A new place with no friends around, sometimes has its effect on the person. I had been looking for a job for a very long time. But here they did not recognize my Social Work degree and all they needed was experience, which I obviously lacked. Some thing I had told myself before moving to London was that no matter what I would not switch to a different field. My passion is to work with special children and I did not want to give up on it at any cost. I had always felt that the moment you see money, you settle for whatever you get. I had always been clear about where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. But here I was totally stuck. I then started cursing myself for getting married so soon and started imagining how things would have been if I were in India. I started comparing myself with my batch mates who are now in a job (may not be the ideal one, but they have a job), and these were people who were a part of the Social Work course only because they did not know what to do. I was applying for jobs initially, but when I got no response, I quit and only scowled. I was full of negative vibes and realized I had to get out of it. All of us do have these low moments, but we don’t start brooding about everything. And I was doing only that 😛 I hate myself for wasting so much time.
Anyway, back to this day when I was sitting on this bench… So I sat there and started to think what went wrong and how I could set it all right. I told myself that it was my decision to get married and move to a different country where the chances of me finding a job in my field would be difficult. But it was a decision I had taken. I have to let you all know that my married life couldn’t have been better. I married the guy I love and who loves me more than me 🙂 I had always wanted to travel and here I was travelling the world. I was living abroad, just me and the guy. My life had changed for good in a lot of ways, but I had failed to acknowledge that bit when it came to my career. I decided if not for anything else, I should be happy for having a wonderful married life (not all are lucky). I then asked myself if I was putting enough efforts to find a job. I was not!! I decided I would start applying for jobs and I have to accept the fact that it is not going to be an easy journey. But only if I try, I would have the remote chances of finding something. Next I asked myself, if it is only a job that I was looking for. Is it that I wanted to earn money and boost my ego?? Well, NO way!!! Like I already said, it is not about the money. I knew that my profession was not going to get me a lot of money and I still chose to be a social worker, because that is where I belong. So all I was looking for was to learn, gain experience and work with children. I decided now that I know of what I wanted to do, I should work accordingly. I had to believe in my passion and my ability. I did!!
And today, I have found something wonderful. I am learning, experiencing and making very tiny differences in the lives of a few people. This is what gives me the satisfaction. This is what I had always wanted to do. My career may not be what I wanted it to be, but now I at least know that those days are not very far. I have now learnt to take responsibility of the decisions that I made. I have now learnt to appreciate all the good things of my life. I have now learnt to enjoy all the wonderful moments. I have now learnt that to reach where one wants to be, one needs to work towards it. I also learnt “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work” – Colin Powell. Nothing is impossible, all that requires is an alteration in the attitude. So now when I look at myself in the mirror, I see myself 🙂 So all this change happened while I was sitting on this bench and so the name.
PS: During the days when I was feeling very low, somebody told me that one can’t get it all. One cannot have a wonderful married life and also a great career. I probably wanted to believe it then, because I had an excuse for my situation. But today I can say it is not true. One can definitely have it all.