He could make me deliriously happy or crazy with anger, quicker than anyone I had ever known, and when he smiled everything else disappeared and I could not help but smile back. He had a million smiles, but there was one in particular that I could even hear in his voice phone from miles away. It was playful and knowing and cynical and sincere and secretive and a thousand other paradoxical things all at once. The smile made me laugh when I was hurt, forgive him when I was angry and believe him even when I knew he was lying. that smile made me fall in love with him and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
He was the first guy I ever really loved. Sometimes when he held me and my head was resting on his broad shoulder, I felt that he could hear my deepest, darkest thoughts. He always knew how to say what I needed to hear. He would look into my eyes and say he loved me with such warmth that I couldn’t help believing him. I would tell myself over and over again that he wasnt the kind of guy I needed in my life, but with each day passing by , it changed. I felt so out of control, so scared and so excited. Sometimes when I was near him, I trembled. then he would put he would put his arms around and I would relax and feel safe again. My instincts were in constant conflicts. Trust him. don’t trust him. Call him. Dont call him. Tell him how I feel.
If he was scared or insecure, I only saw it once or twice. Like the rest of his emotions, I could never tell how much was an act and how much he really felt. He fascinated me. I would stare into his eyes and wonder if he had any idea how much control he had over me. If he knew, he never let it show.
Then, one day it all came crashing down around me. He was gone forever!!! I was hurt and it was that day when I realised how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, how much I missed him. I had so many questions, and so much to tell. It was like an alarm had gone off and my dream was over. All I was left with was a memories. I cried, I sulked, I did everything that could make me forget the past, but I still havent forgotten. And then finally decided to stay with the memories and cherish every bit of it and that is what I have been doing for years now. I had learnt so much from him than from any other guy. I still love to think about every moment I spent with him. He was my Best Friend, my Love and I guess much more than these words could ever express. I loved his smile!!!!
PS: This was the very first post of mine, written years back and a very special one. So I decided I would post it here.