What it means to you?
I asked him how close he was to me. Rate me on a scale of 10, 10 being max. He said, given that I have not really spoken to you for a long time I would say 4. Less than that also would not surprise me. I thought and replied saying that if I had not spoken to him for 10 long years and all of a sudden I happen to talk to him, I would still feel the same way as I felt before 10 years.
After this conversation with X, I had to think as to what one meant being close and feeling close. I knew what it meant to me. To me it is all about feeling comfortable sharing anything. No matter how stupid or wrong I am, that person would stand by me. Now it does not mean that they agree to everything I say, but simply being there. I have a handful people who I know I can fall back on any given day. Even if I have not spoken to them for ages, I still know that they would be there for me. I think feeling close to someone goes a long way. It is not just having a conversation every now and then and sharing what is happening in their lives. It is about believing that no matter when, in good or bad times they could demand the support they need from them.
Our lives are filled with moments and moments are either good, bad or just plain. We either share good or bad. Plain simply remains plain. Sometimes we choose not to share, not because of anything else but simply because we just don’t want to. I am not a great sharer. I let out things when I know I cannot handle it anymore. I am a little stubborn about certain things and just believe in being independent. But none of this changes anything about the way I feel about a few people in my life. They are still special and I am close to them.
The last two days of comprehending of how I define ‘being close’ has made me realize a lot. I realized each of us have different definitions to everything. And we have come to a stage where we do not know which is the right one. Well, you could also say there can be no right or wrong. Almost everything about our lives is just so obscure. It is funny!